Who isn't mentioned in the Epstein files/emails?

That sultry divorcee from number 23 is almost certainly in the files, as is Barry who works the till at Asda.  Obviously any politician you don't like is in there, probably the one you do like is too. Rock stars?  Probably, although ironically McCartney isn't.  Yet.

But are these people really in the files, or was Epstein just harvesting names and email addresses randomly?  Did he buy up email hacks from the dark web, the  not-so-dark web and the positively really dark web?

Is it really likely that the current President of the United States, a Republican, has given a former, Democrat, President a blowjob?  Or did Epstein get confused - about who got the BJ?

Anyway, Trump has an army of people trawling through the Epstein files removing his name and inserting someone else's instead.  That's your name, you know that, don't you?

In our next detailed report we'll discuss how conspiracy theories are started, and by who.

Who's the patron saint of cartoonists?

Speaker investigates investigation into Speaker by Speaker

The House of Commons Speaker, Lindsey Hoyle, has declared that there can be no independent investigation into his illicit behaviour, because he has a note from his Mum. Mr.Hoyle went further to explain that there was nothing to see and even if there was, he was ill that day.

Having taken thousands in freebies and lobbyist kickbacks, he was quick to point out that it was all a coincidence, as he has always liked money. The fact that he had shut down votes on the instruction of a foreign government was nothing odd - he does it all the time. Blocking the release of evidence that might incriminate him, he laughed maniacally and boasted you'll never take me alive.

Donald Trump is said to be interested in retaining Mr.Hoyle as a defence lawyer. Prince Andrew is said to be furious that he did not think of it first.

Image: Newsbiscuit Archive