Everybody has forgotten the England manager's name

Just five months after he was appointed as Gareth Whatshisname's successor, it seems nobody can remember the name of the new England football manager.

Fans all over the country are at a loss to name the bloke and not a single fan could pick him out from a line-up, if their life depended on it.

'I think he's called Brian, or Gary, or Terry, or something like that,' one fan told us.

'Have they sacked Venables, then?' another fan queried.

Newsbiscuit contacted the FA for clarification and their spokesperson told us they knew exactly who he was, he was the best and would win trophies, before hastily hanging up the phone.

Picture credit: Wix AI

Train, train gone away. Come again another day

England footballers threaten strike action unless demands on pay, conditions and pensions are met

As if the nurses, postmen, and teachers going on strike wasn’t enough, shock news has emerged from the English training camp in Qatar.

"The lads have had enough", said England trade union representative Tommy Studs. “They’re going on strike. The FA have forced them to kick footballs in temperatures of over twenty degrees, give press conferences at the drop of a hat and listen to Gareth Southgate drone on for a fortnight."

It's only the second time that the England international football team will have gone on strike since it was founded in 1872. The first strike was in 1908 in Saxe-Coburg when Captain Sir Digby Rawlinson was sent off for not offering the opposing captain a glass of port at half-time.

Mr Studds was adamant the players had a strong case. "Things have come a long way since Captain Rawlinsons' gentlemanly heroics back in the day," he argued before adding, "but the football association seems to take the players for granted. They're only offering the boys ten million quid each, the use of a complimentary gold-plated jacuzzi back at the hotel, and insist on making efficiencies by reducing the number of highly trained sports data and strategy analysts to 367.

On top of that, they expect them to play the French. How underhand and diabolical can you get?"

www.newsbiscuit.com

Image: coombesy | Pixabay

First published 9 Dec 2022

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