European Sport Contest to be launched

A new European sports competition has been conceived and could start soon. The idea has been tested for years and the name for the new concept has already been registered.

'The name European Sport Contest was chosen after careful consideration,’ says Mr. Daniel Davidson, chief engineer and financier of the idea.

'I don't deny that the Eurovision Song Contest, in its name, had an influence on the naming decision,’ Davidson clarifies.

According to Davidson, the song contest can be thanked for the new sporting event, as the basic idea of ​​both is that the name does not have to correspond to the content.

Davidson, a failed singer and a poorly accomplished athlete, has already designed the basic framework for the European Sport Contest. According to the plan, athletic performance is not important, but athletes and teams should dress in eye-catching outfits and draw attention to the spectacularity of their performance. For example, a pole vaulter gets the most points if, after crossing the bar, he continues to fly like a bird over the stadium.

'Let me clarify the basic idea. For example, in the pole vault, the highest clearance, or result, is not important. Voters and political juries in different countries decide who wins. Their vote is decisive, not the sporting performance.

image from google gemini

author: Emerick Meriwether

UK to remain in Eurovision Song Contest

'On the face of it, the UK should boycott the Eurovision Song Contest, if only because it isn't a song contest.  It's an exercise in political voting, which is democracy in action,' said a UK spokesman today.  Most of Europe, especially Australia, the most European country in the southern hemisphere, has decided to boycott the contest because Israel, the most European not European country even allowing for Australia is still allowed in.

However song experts, who don't routinely follow the Eurovision Song Contest for reasons too complex to record here, have pointed out that the UK has a unique role in the contest which is to come last.  If the UK backs out of the contest then Israel stands to both win and be voted last, which isn't very British.

image from google gemini

Trump plan promises peace in Eurovision in 24 hours

President Trump says that he will use America might, negotiating skills, and tariffs, to bring peace to Eurovision ‘in 24 hours’.

‘We have some spare capacity, as things are progressing very well with Russia, Ukraine, Israel, Palestine and FIFA,’ said the President. ‘My plan is a very good plan, and it will bring peace very quickly. Although I must remind everyone in Yerp, and Israel, that delivering the 24-point plan will require concessions about territory and mineral rights on all sides, and the payment of aggravated damages to the USA.  I haven't talked to any of the nations involved, as I find that people often just raise petty and irrelevant points.  Because the US is independent, and not part of Yerp, we can see more clearly how to resolve the conflicts at the heart of Eurovision.

The envelope bearing the first draft of the plan is believed to be no bigger than C5 in size and probably brown. Sceptics don’t believe that the plan actually has 24 points. More like nul points, they suggest. And journalists are keen to know if Donald Trump has signed the envelope, as this would leave little remaining space for the plan itself.

The plan is believed to include the readmittance of Russia to the Eurovision contest, the cancellation of all gay, woke DEI nonsense, including banning Pride flags, and a requirement that the USA is allowed to compete, and to be guaranteed a top three place. Telephone voting would be organised by the USA, with only Trump Phones being considered secure enough to deliver billions of votes reliably.  Eurovision would be broadcast in England by GB News, and not by the fake-news-BBC.

A proposal that Greenland should not be allowed to compete has upset Denmark, but the President has said that ‘you can’t make an omelette without breaking heads.’ He also apparently said that Denmark was ‘only small’ and therefore 'shouldn’t make a fuss.’

American contractors are on standby to realise Trump’s dream of a new, supercharged and successful Eurovision resort, funded by American banks and returning super-profits to the US of A. There are rumours that Donald Trump has set up a new arms-length construction company to bid for the work.

In promoting the initiative, White House spokesman said, ‘The very excellent Eurovision Peace Plan will help the Eurovision brand to a great brand, by concentrating on monetisation instead of jiggery-wokery, an undemocratic voting system, and bands that pointlessly perform in languages that Americans don’t understand.’

Image credit: perchance.org