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All Nobel Peace Prizes are ironic

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The award will now go to anyone who has genocidal intent, a secret lair and is being operated by the CIA like a meat puppet. If anything Donald Trump is too ethical for a nomination, given that he's evil by accidental stupidity rather than conscious planning.


Previous recipients include mass murderers and the guy who dropped more bombs than a Netflix show runner. To qualify you must have henchmen, facial scarring and a faintly European accent. Maniacal laughter is optional.


Actual peace activists are now designated terrorists. And actual terrorists are called statesmen. Peace is War. Up is down. And Netanyahu is definitely not lying.




Trump’s Peace deal cedes new state for Palestine near West Bromwich

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In a little known clause within the peace deal brokered by the US President Donald Trump, Palestinians have been given the right to establish a new state near West Bromwich in the East Midlands of the UK. The area, roughly taking into account Walsall, Aldridge and pretty all of Sutton Coldfield to Leicester, has been offered in the agreement seemingly to the surprise of the UK Government.


“We’re trying to establish the exact nature of the agreement and the terms offer by Mr Trump”, said a flustered UK Prime Minister Sir Kier Starmer, “but at this stage it looks like a large part of the East Midlands will now be a separate Palestinian state, independent of the UK.”


It is thought that Mr Trump had reached a delicate part of the negotiations centring around the recognition of the right to statehood for Palestinians so he put a pin in a map and told the negotiating team, “there, you guys can have a state but it has to be there”. He was pointing almost directly at Tamworth, just off the M42.


It is unknown at this stage whether the largely Hamas run authority in Gaza and the West Bank have accepted the deal but reports are reaching us that heavy doubt is cast over the obligatory requirement to support UK Championship soccer club, West Bromwich Albion.




High Conservative levels damage communities, nation warned

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The government must do more to promote integration and look away from problems caused by Conservative rhetoric out of a fear of the “small minded bigots” researchers have reported today. 


Researchers warned that Conservative ideals all across England were far too high, adding that "if people listen to them too much, we’ll have a turbo charged Thatcher on our hands”.


In a week when Conservatives warned of a “fragmented society” and “seeing too many non-white faces”, it easy to see how Conservative levels can quickly get out of hand.


The researchers went on: “One day they’re talking about wanting to live in a country where people are properly integrated and the next they want immigrants shot for thinking about littering. There are whole swathes of society which are effectively no go areas due to twitching curtains, excessive Daily Mail panic and an almost fanatical obsession with housing prices and inheritance tax. These people just won’t integrate!”


The Conservative leader, Kemi Badenoch, has dismissed the research and said the UK is “doooooommmmeeedddd, doomed I tells you!”




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