"There aren't many farmers around any more to buy our Land Rovers," said a spokes-gasket for the Jaguar Land Rover Group. "And the UK has no longer has an army which will buy them.
"So we're going to scrap production of these iconic, rugged all-terrain vehicles and bring out something much more suited to motorists in modern, suburban Britain who live in identikit houses with identikit families and have identikit stuff to say. We call it the Bland Rover.
"You'll be safe behind the wheel of the Bland Rover because we've tested it exhaustively on crashing bore test dummies," continued the spokes-throttle.
"And for folk who are certifiably insane - the types who like to climb into tiger cages - we're also offering the Strange Rover. No hire purchase deals with that model, I'm afraid."