Fish | NewsBiscuit 5/6

Fishy review after Berlin hotel aquarium explosion

stewartbarclay
Dec 19, 2022

A fish, staying at the AquaDom Hotel in Berlin, has left a scathing 1 star-fish review, after its spectacular aquarium exploded.

'I started herring cracking noises, so I got trout of there. Thank cod I did. I only arranged this plaice to meet my Internet girlfriend. I was breaming with confidence but I got catfished. Not to carp on about it but this trip has set me back to the tuna several hundred squid. Pollocks.'

A spokesfish for the Hotel said 'I've haddock up to here with this absolute clownfish. Eel stop at nothing to turbot charge his bad review. I'd stick his head on a pike. He watched a lot of pay per view prawn, you know.'

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image from pixabay

Like a fish out of water

ModelMaker
Dec 17, 2022

Michael Fish appointed to produce Office for Budget Responsibility forecast

ChrisF
Oct 9, 2022

The government has appointed legendary weatherman Michael Fish to complete the forthcoming Office for Budget Responsibility financial forecast, it has been announced.

‘Michael is of course well-known for his highly credible forecasting abilities,’ said Patent Pending, a special advisor within the Cabinet Office. ‘Over decades, he forged a reputation for calming nerves and providing common-sense reassurance when people overreact or panic.

‘Fish is precisely the voice of sanity we all need to hear to demonstrate that actually there is no crisis, and that the country isn’t being run by a bunch of total buffoons,' continued Pending.

‘He has said he will produce his report on 13th October’,' said Pending. ‘Coincidentally, this will be 35 years to the day since he reported on an imminent weather incident that I think saw some moderate winds hit the UK, and maybe a few trees fell down.’

However, the government may be disappointed with the outcome. A leak of the executive summary of the OBR report is said to reveal Fish saying: ‘Apparently, everyone in the country has rung the BBC to say that the Tory government is a total shitshow. Well if you’re watching…I can confirm that it’s absolutely true’.

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