Outrage as woman forced to eat Spanish food on Spanish holiday

As the summer holiday season approaches, many Brits will be looking forward to getting away from the drudgery of moaning about the current state of the country and heading towards the sunny climate of Spanish resorts. However, holidaymakers have been warned to prepare to possibly be disappointed upon hearing the harrowing tale of one Tenerife holidaymaker who was forced to sample the local cuisine on her all inclusive holiday.

"When I go abroad, I don't want much" stated Eileen McKipling, 63. have a very simple list of things I want to experience; sunbathing, drinking alcohol, lying by the pool I never swim in, on a sun lounger I woke up at 6am to reserve, murdering I Will Survive on the karaoke and possibly getting a shag off one of the bartenders. The last thing I want to do is to sample the local culture, so you can imagine my shock when I went to get a meal and instead of having fish and chips I was served something called a Tortilla."

Eileen had hoped that this would be a one-off, but would soon be proven wrong "I thought maybe their cooker had packed up and they had to serve their own stuff, and I would look forward to a battered sausage or the like the next day. But no, once again we were given Spanish muck that I can't even pronounce. Just horrible. When I go on a holiday, the most adventurous I want to get is to go looking for an English pub when I fancy a Yorkshire pudding dinner."

"The worst part is when they gave me this awful soup they called Gazpacho. Clearly they couldn't be bothered to turn the oven on as it was stone cold."

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Man pledges tough new 'one in, one out' policy on freezer items

A Sunderland man promised tough new targets on items going in and out of his 4-shelf household Hotpoint freezer today, in a clear the air summit with his wife over the domestic division of labour.

 Steve Vickers, 36, pledged to reduce the number of individual items to 'hundreds', committed to a deep clean of the bottom tray, and aimed to implement a system of chucking fish items out after the recommended three months - only if he retained control over freezer duties in future.

'A combination of cheap pieces of cod from the Baltics, 3 for 2 offers at Asda on Ben and Jerry's, and your annual commitment in January - never followed through, I might add - to eating more Quorn have created unsustainable pressure on the shelves', argued Vickers defensively to his wife. Responding to the charge that the freezer door wouldn't shut properly, he announced that 'what is needed is a root and branch review and one of them big retro Smeg freezers, like Dave and Nicky have next door.'

'Steve has no credibility on freezers', sighed his wife Samantha. 'The main problem is all that random 'meat' in there from the raffle him and Dave won down the King's Head - why are we storing it all? 

'His record on household chores is dreadful,' added Samantha. 'He does bins, admittedly, but Jesus, does everyone know about it when he does. Mansplaining about which plastics can be recycled does not constitute a coherent plan for getting this house into shape. In the time that it takes him to deliver his classic stump speech about being 'tough on grime, tough on the causes of grime', I've cleaned the bathroom, done three loads of washing and emptied the dishwasher.'

Image credit: Wix AI