As the cost of food keeps rising ...

Supermarket scraps use by dates on milk

Another British supermarket is scrapping use by dates on milk in a copycat - copycow? - move. The chain believes that customers don’t mind solid chunks of proto-cheese landing on their breakfast cereals or splashing into their mocha latte coffee.

A spokesman said 'Slightly off milk is just as nutritious and easier to digest, as the friendly bacteria in the milk have done some of the work for you. That sounds like science! It’s not just milk that’s gone horrible, it’s M&S milk that’s gone horrible, which is quantitatively and qualitatively better. And you get loyalty points. When you are sick, it's not just vomit, it's M&S vomit. And 10% off pre-paid funeral plans.'

'Accrington Stanley? Who are they?'

Image: Andrey Zvyagintsev (@zvandrei) | Unsplash Photo Community

Good vet gets plate of lamb cutlets back on its feet

Diners at a Liverpool Street bistro looked on in utter disbelief as a good vet got a plate of lamb cutlets back on its feet again.

Hedge Fund Investor, Tim Shannon, ordered Cannon of Lamb cooked medium-rare. He said: ‘I'm not squeamish but when it came it was almost swimming in blood. I mentioned to my colleague “a good vet could get that back on its feet again" and with that all hell broke loose.

‘Some chap shouts out, "stand back, I’m a vet!” He then shoos us away from our table and erects a makeshift screen around it using a few tablecloths.

‘We hear a bit of puffing and panting, then to everyone’s amazement a bleating sound. Next thing we see is the chap emerging from behind the screen carrying this beautiful fluffy lamb.’

Restaurant Proprietor, Gyles Pettigrew, told reporters. ‘It was amazing and publicity has done us no harm.'

When asked how the lamb was doing after the ordeal, Pettigrew added: 'Oh, the little fellow is just fine. He’s out the back in the freezer preparing to guest star in Wednesday's Gourmet Evening.'

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/elsemargriet-1614842/