The public has been urged to desist from mocking Britain's favourite upper-class twit. So humiliated has the buffoon become, he has been forced to hide on GB News with all the other vermin.
Traditionally led by a Piper, packs of online hunters would chase Fox all over cyberspace. Once cornered he would be reduced to a meme and devoured by press hounds.
Said the RSPCA: 'He's too easy a target. He's just a dumb animal.'
As Boxing Day draws ever closer, Oliver and Hattie Mackintosh-Penrose prepare to face yet another one full of sad memories.
Oliver explains: 'Used to be the best day of the year. We'd get dressed up and then it was out to the yard where the horses had been immaculately groomed by the stable plebs.'
'A quick snifter or two outside The Bell and Dragon,' adds Hattie with tears in her eyes, 'then The Master would sound the bugle and we'd be off, galloping over fields and meadows with expectation of bloody carnage in our hearts and hounds yelping with the chase well and truly on.'
'The fun would really start if we encountered saboteurs,' Oliver smiles, 'a few good blows with our riding crops and that soon sent them back to their squats, bowls of muesli and nut cutlets.
'Then the best bit, cornering the fox with the dogs going crazy as the little fellow got ripped to shreds followed by another massive horn... if you follow what I'm saying. What? Whoops. I say, Hat. old girl. Pass me a tissue, will you? I appear to have had a little accident.'
Photo by Jason Wolf on Unsplash
Conservatives have once again tried to find a policy that will win back voters confidence by announcing the repeal of the banning of the ancient “entertainment” of Bear Baiting and Cock Fighting.
'Too long have we deprived people of simple British entertainment and stymied the animal fighting industry,' said a party spokesman, 'it’s time we gathered around the television on a Saturday evening and watched a good old fashioned British cock fight.' The massed Tory ranks were vociferous in their vocal, clearly excited support.
Bear-baiting is a sport in which a chained bear and one or more dogs are forced to fight one another. It may also involve pitting the bear against another animal. Cockfighting is a sport involving roosters or cocks, held in a ring called a cockpit where they are encouraged to fight each other, the one remaining being the winner. The variations are endless and Tyson Fury’s representatives have already been contacted to see if he fancies taking on a couple of Bonobos.
;I’m tremendously excited by this announcement,' said one senior minister, 'I have been a cock fight enthusiast for many years and now us closet fans can come out of the shadows and support a regulated, safe (for us) and taxable sport where Britain can be world leaders.'
