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BBC still hasn't reported on BBC not reporting anything


Social media is on fire with allegations that the BBC hasn't reported anything about the crisis in Iran, despite running several separate news articles every day since the demonstrations started.  They are also accused of not reporting anything about the situation in Gaza, despite running articles daily since last year.



'We admit that some reporting is difficult,' said a BBC spokesman, adding, 'as both Iran and Israel won't allow correspondents in, and those that do sneak in tend to get shot', he said. 'I ran to tell you because is real.'



Critics grudgingly agree, but point out that the BBC hasn't announced the upcoming General Election, to be debated next week where the government, despite having a huge majority, is going to roll over and vote to pull the General Election forward by at least three years.  The BBC agree that they haven't reported that piece of news but defended themselves by pointing out that whenever the next election does occur they have told the country who to vote for. Repeatedly.


Labour to lower voting age until they find a voter

Having seen his polling numbers tank, the PM is desperate to find any person naïve enough to vote for him. The hope is 16-17 year olds are just young enough not to know any better – or, at the very least, drunk on cheap cider. Allowing teenagers to vote is like giving cats your credit card - okay in principle, but don't complain when they eat all your food and still ignore you. Explained a close aide of Starmer: 'If we're going to conscript them, might as well let them vote.


'Besides, we've pegged the voting age to our popularity. Currently we're at 15%, but we reckon we can go so much lower.' Asked if they thought they would go lower: 'Now that I think about it, I suppose if your country is going to f$ck you, you should be over the age of consent.'



Picture credit: Wix AI

Starmer Snap Election

Keir Starmer has denied confiding to NewsBiscuit's non-existent parliamentary correspondent that, in light of the way he and his government have been thorough fucked over by his own parliamentary party in the past few days, he has been contemplating holding a snap general election.


'We have learned the hard way that having a massive parliamentary majority does not protect us from suffering the humiliation of defeat when trying to pass legislation' he denied having said 'so we came to the conclusion that the only solution would be to hold a snap general election.'


'With any luck, this would result in us having a vastly reduced, wafer-thin majority in the House of Commons.  We now know that this wouldn't make it any harder to pass legislation, and would at least make parliamentary defeat far less humiliating.  However, if we got really lucky, we might even lose a general election, and be able to let some other bunch of ambitious but deluded tossers take over.'


'A good outcome, even if we know that these naïve idiots will spend their entire term of office blaming their immediate predecessors for everything that they screw up; we'll simply adopt the Tory policy (copying the Lib Dems) of simply turning ourselves invisible.'




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