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10 Reasons to vote Conservative – Number 4 will shock you!



1) Diversity in Prime Ministers, don’t just vote for Another-White-Man, we have incompetent leaders of different genders and races


2) Experience in Prime Ministers, we have had five different Prime Ministers within the last 8 years and Labour haven’t had one since 2010, that’s the “I Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas time period


3) Responsibility – the decent British mentality of if you broke it, you fix it. We wouldn’t want to leave all the problems we caused for someone else to clean up.


4) If you don’t, we will kill a puppy every hour, on the hour


5) You fear change. Change is bad and scary, stick with what you know, unless what you know is a union of European countries.


6) Blue Passports – You’re welcome


7) Trade deal with Peru – can’t you feel the sovereignty?


8) Availability of Food Banks – so many new ones are opening all the time


9) An aim to reduce some of the faecal matter in some of the waterways – achievable goals!


10) New Hospitals! New School Roofs! Dental care! We want them too and have already got private versions. None for you. Soz.




First published 24 May 2024


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BBC still hasn't reported on BBC not reporting anything


Social media is on fire with allegations that the BBC hasn't reported anything about the crisis in Iran, despite running several separate news articles every day since the demonstrations started.  They are also accused of not reporting anything about the situation in Gaza, despite running articles daily since last year.



'We admit that some reporting is difficult,' said a BBC spokesman, adding, 'as both Iran and Israel won't allow correspondents in, and those that do sneak in tend to get shot', he said. 'I ran to tell you because is real.'



Critics grudgingly agree, but point out that the BBC hasn't announced the upcoming General Election, to be debated next week where the government, despite having a huge majority, is going to roll over and vote to pull the General Election forward by at least three years.  The BBC agree that they haven't reported that piece of news but defended themselves by pointing out that whenever the next election does occur they have told the country who to vote for. Repeatedly.


Labour to lower voting age until they find a voter

Having seen his polling numbers tank, the PM is desperate to find any person naïve enough to vote for him. The hope is 16-17 year olds are just young enough not to know any better – or, at the very least, drunk on cheap cider. Allowing teenagers to vote is like giving cats your credit card - okay in principle, but don't complain when they eat all your food and still ignore you. Explained a close aide of Starmer: 'If we're going to conscript them, might as well let them vote.


'Besides, we've pegged the voting age to our popularity. Currently we're at 15%, but we reckon we can go so much lower.' Asked if they thought they would go lower: 'Now that I think about it, I suppose if your country is going to f$ck you, you should be over the age of consent.'



Picture credit: Wix AI

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