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Rod Stewart releases new Reform, sorry, Record

Following his performance at Glastonbury, eighty-year-old rocker Rod Stewart is to release a new overlong playing record in support of his new found love for right-wing politician Nigel Farage, who replaces Rod's previous bestie MP Enoch Powell.  Apparently he thinks Powell was a softie and like the object of his early Seventies hit, Maggie May, is also dead.


Some of the titles have been re-recorded to bring them up to date, but Rod hopes his fans embrace them.  They include:


The First DOGE cut is the Deepest


(I am) Racist


Do Ya Think I'm Racist?


Young Turks (go home)


If You Don't Know Nigel By Now


I Don't Want to Talk About Policies




Man outraged that punk band does punk thing

Controversy swirls in the aftermath of Glastonbury, after several music acts had the temerity to do something musical. Worse still, self-proclaimed anarchic political performers did something vaguely edgy, instead of three hours of crochet.


The crowd was heard to chant 'death to the IDF', which to be fair, is the one thing the IDF seem to like - and it does rhyme. This was followed by a rendition of 'f$ck off Keir Starmer' - started by his wife and children.


Others claimed that the band name 'Kneecap' is seen as incredibly poor taste, as opposed to Joy Division, which was named after a branch of the Women's Insistute. Complained one middle-aged journalist 'I've never heard anything like it before' - which is kind of the point.




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