
Organisers of the British Open have announced that the golf tournament could take place at Turnberry again only if cheating at golf ceases to be one of the most heinous crimes ever devised. The Royal and Ancient explained that golf prides itself on its long history of self-policing etiquette and absolute respect for the rules, and those that break them are as socially unacceptable as women were in golf clubs until Gordon Brown interfered.
The statement by the Royal and Ancient follows a recent round played at Turnberry by US President Donald Trump during which the level of sportsmanship expected of all competitors while on the course owned by his family was explicitly demonstrated.  The British Open has not been held at Turnberry since Trump bought the course in 2014, despite him declaring it the best course anywhere in the world for caddies to carry lots of spare balls to drop on the fairways and greens in case his gets lost. 'The players all want to be at Turnberry,' Trump told reporters before his round which he completed without any penalty strokes at all, despite losing 24 balls. It is understood that there were absolutely no instances at all of Trump kicking his ball into better positions during the round, so none of his playing partners needed to refer to him as 'Pele' this time.
Some members of the media considered Trump apparently cheating at golf was just the latest attempt to distract everyone from the Epstein files. However, many golfers around the world regarded it as far worse than anything he may have been involved in with his alleged paedophile former best buddy, who he has never met.
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