That was a tough round of Gulf, admits Trump

'I thought I'd go for a round in that Persian Gulf,' Trump told a collection of attentive tee pegs.

'But boy, was it hard. Too many water hazards and sand traps. I gave it my best shot - about 15,000 shots with Tomahawk missiles and such like, but I just ended up getting stuck in the rough.

'I guess I'll have to do what I always do when I'm losing - pick up my ball and walk away, saying I won. I'll put it down on my scorecard as twelve under par.

'From now on, I'll be playing closer to home, beating up countries around what I'm calling the Gulf of America. I won against Venezuela with a single stroke. Now I think I'll take few swings against impoverished, defenceless Cuba.

'But I'm never Gulfing in the Middle East again. Those Persian Gulfers play even dirtier than I do.'

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