That was a tough round of Gulf, admits Trump

'I thought I'd go for a round in that Persian Gulf,' Trump told a collection of attentive tee pegs.

'But boy, was it hard. Too many water hazards and sand traps. I gave it my best shot - about 15,000 shots with Tomahawk missiles and such like, but I just ended up getting stuck in the rough.

'I guess I'll have to do what I always do when I'm losing - pick up my ball and walk away, saying I won. I'll put it down on my scorecard as twelve under par.

'From now on, I'll be playing closer to home, beating up countries around what I'm calling the Gulf of America. I won against Venezuela with a single stroke. Now I think I'll take few swings against impoverished, defenceless Cuba.

'But I'm never Gulfing in the Middle East again. Those Persian Gulfers play even dirtier than I do.'

Image credit: perchance.org

Denmark to get custody of Greenland at the weekends

In an attempt to calm the world order, the United States has announced that it will let Denmark have full visitation rights at the weekend, as long as it returns Greenland to the US while it is still light.  'No keeping Greenland out after dark,' insisted a US spokesman, noting that Greenland is dark essentially October to March.

'We will exploit Greenland for its mineral wealth Monday to Friday, then return it for Denmark to clean it up at weekends,' the spokesman added.

President Trump has insisted the takeover of a NATO country isn't really about exploiting its natural wealth but by ensuring the US doesn't have Russia on its border.  When it was mentioned that Alaska borders Russia Trump shrugged and suggested Alaska might be next to be taken over.

Photo by Visit Greenland on Unsplash

Trump declares war on terrier groups across the world

'After capturing Venezuela's chief narco-terrierist and indicting him in the States,' said an increasingly deranged Donald Trump, stroking a Russian Putin cat at his desk in the Oval Office, 'I'm serving notice on the rest of the world's terrier groups that I'll be coming after them, as well.

'They tell me there are a bunch of terreierists over there in Britain, in Yorkshire and Staffordshire and Airedale, so we'll be sending in Delta Force to take over those places.

'And I'm hearing all the time now about Maltese terrierists, so we better do a regime change in Maltesa - as soon as my generals can find that on a map.

'And the CIA is still looking for a place called Pitbull. It sounds familiar.

'What I really want is for there to some terrier groups in Greenland, because I'd sure like an excuse to invade that place.

'That's why I'm ordering the American Kennel Club to breed up some genuine Greeland terrierists immediately.

'Sleepy Joe knew all about these foreign terrier groups, but he never went after them,' the president continued to rant.

'But that's because he wasn't barking.'

Image: Lydia Tan (@purplelydia) | Unsplash Photo Community