Customers disappointed by ‘The Labour Government’ experience

Following on from a disastrous Willy Wonka experience in the UK, and an equally unsatisfying Bridgerton event in the US, it would appear the public have now been let down by another themed attraction, ‘The Labour Party in Government’.

One disappointed visitor, Toby Williams, explained, “I voted for this when it was first proposed. A lot of promises were made regarding this experience but it looks as if we’ve been badly let down. The people behind behind this fiasco must be raking it in.”

Pensioner, Joyce Evans, told us. “I was interested to see the Environment display, but all I saw was some dodgy looking guy holding a solar panel and hyping up a heat pump. To be honest the whole thing left me cold.”

The organisers have said they make no apologies for anyone disappointed at what they are providing as they were forced into changes after inheriting costs from the previous ‘Tories In Wonderland’ event.

However, that’s unlikely to appease disgruntled customers. As a VIP patron, Lord Waheed Alli, put it, “I paid a lot of money to one day see this, a lot of money, and now I have, it’s a complete sh!t show!!”

image from pixabay

The Government show they’re serious about funny business

Accused of talking Britain down and focussing too much on economic doom and gloom, the Government have turned to comedy to lighten the messaging, starting with the Labour HQ ( Humour Quotient).

A Downing Street source told us, “Let’s bring back the Whitehall Farce. We need to step up the slapstick and ensure we make contact with every banana skin. After all we know the public love to see a pratfall.”

Realising that Sir Keir comes across as slightly robotic, the suggestion is he throws in a robot dance to accompany every speech, and Rachel Reeves is expected now to deliver her first Budget from the Comedy Store.

Another idea is for Angela Rayner to wear clown make-up for interviews, sing a quick chorus of ‘Baggy Trousers’, and stick a custard pie in the face of Laura Kuenssberg.

As our source put it, “If pensioners are going to freeze this winter they may as well die laughing.”

image from pixabay

'To the pure, everything is pure,' say Labour's seraphim

'We really resent these allegations that we're no better than the Tories,' said a Downing Street spokes-angel, addressing reporters with a look of wounded innocence on its wondrous face.

'Conservative Prime Ministers took freebies from millionaire donors because they were disgustingly venal and degenerate' the minister of God continued. 'The current PM, on the other hand, took freebies from a millionaire donor because he is so utterly childlike and naive in the ways of the world.

'It would never occur to someone as good as Keir 'Woolly Lambkins' Starmer that anything he did might possibly be bad.

'To the pure, everything is pure.

'The same goes for our saintly chancellor cancelling winter fuel allowances for most of Britain's elderly so she could save a few bob for the Treasury.

'She's so sweet-natured that she'd never have done anything this mean, had it not been for the wicked bastard putrid Tory scum forcing her into it.'

After this, Downing Street press officers ushered reporters into the back garden of Number Ten to see all the cherubim and seraphim in the Labour cabinet cast down their golden crowns and sing 'Holy! Holy! Holy!' in praise of themselves.

Picture credit: Wix AI