Bribe replacement service to replace gravy train over Christmas shutdown

Due to essential maintenance payments needed over the festive season, British politicians are going to be unable to catch the gravy train.  Luckily the government has arranged for a bribe replacement service to be implemented so that the grift keeps on coming.

The replacement service is available to local and national level politicians of all political parties.  A government spokesman insisted that all bribes are eligible for Grift Aid, meaning that the taxpayer will chip in 25% extra to any bribes, subject to the briber paying enough tax in the first place, which come to think of it probably means the taxpayer is off the hook on that one.

image from pixabay

World's first gravy shop opens in Oldham

'Gravy Status' is believed to be the first outlet in the world serving pure gravy to gravyholics.

'We are thrilled to offer our delicious, warming drinks to customers who have been dreaming of this their whole lives,' said owner, Eric Bisto. 'There is an alternate universe where there are gravy chains everywhere, because tea and coffee wasn't invented.

'But really, everyone knows deep down that gravy is superior, tastier and more satisfying. Who doesn't want to sit on a cube stool at a table not really shaped like a boat supping this fine beverage? 'Your new favourite meeting place will be your local Gafé.

'Our customers can count on our stock levels, and we offer them a very special flourish at the end. At the bottom of every bill, we give you a lovely little OXO.'

Image: WixAI