'After capturing Venezuela's chief narco-terrierist and indicting him in the States,' said an increasingly deranged Donald Trump, stroking a Russian Putin cat at his desk in the Oval Office, 'I'm serving notice on the rest of the world's terrier groups that I'll be coming after them, as well.
'They tell me there are a bunch of terreierists over there in Britain, in Yorkshire and Staffordshire and Airedale, so we'll be sending in Delta Force to take over those places.
'And I'm hearing all the time now about Maltese terrierists, so we better do a regime change in Maltesa - as soon as my generals can find that on a map.
'And the CIA is still looking for a place called Pitbull. It sounds familiar.
'What I really want is for there to some terrier groups in Greenland, because I'd sure like an excuse to invade that place.
'That's why I'm ordering the American Kennel Club to breed up some genuine Greeland terrierists immediately.
'Sleepy Joe knew all about these foreign terrier groups, but he never went after them,' the president continued to rant.
'But that's because he wasn't barking.'
