top of page

Prince William has given an interview to Hello! magazine in which he denies that being the son of King Charles played any part in his achieving his current position.


”Yeah, OK, so the King’s my dad,” said the disgruntled royal slaphead. “Which is more than certain ginger tosspots can say, but let’s not get into all that.


”But I do wish people wouldn’t just focus on that, as if I just waltzed into the job of heir to the throne without having to make an effort. If anything, I have to work twice as hard as everyone else, just to prove myself.


”I even tried going by a different name, William Wales when my dad’s name’s Windsor, so people wouldn’t realise. That’s how determined I was to make it on my own merit. It’s not my fault if people looked at photos of me, which have been constantly in the press since the day I was born, and realised who I was.”


One of the prince’s aides then concluded the interview, as it was time for his valet to shave and redress him for an evening engagement.


”Not idea what it is. Some sort of banquet, probly - they’ll tell me on the way. Hope it’s not more of those ‘commonwealth’ johnnies - I always think of the impressions grandpapa used to do of them, and it’s so hard not to laugh.”


image form pixabay

An agency representing celebrity doppelgangers is speaking out about the ‘appalling’ treatment of its staff. In particular, their Prince Harry and Meghan Markle lookalikes have been subject to cruel and unusual behaviour approaching torture.


A spokesman explained that the formerly-royal lookie-likies used to enjoy opening village fetes, or supermarkets, or appearing at corporate events. Sadly, as public disaffection with Harry and Meghan has grown, this has affected the kind of work on offer.


Nowadays, the Harry and Meghan lookalikes are being hired for work which often involves humiliation rather than adulation. One lookalike said that he’d been hired for a corporate ‘primal screaming’ session. He had to sit on stage reading from ‘Spare’ while employees took turns to scream very loudly at him. This had affected his self-esteem, and his hearing.


On another assignment, a Meghan lookalike was hired to be put in the stocks, so that wedding guests could pelt her with rotten tomatoes. And last month she was hired to sit for three hours in a bathtub full of baked beans while junior solicitors did embarrassing disco dancing around her and got very drunk. ‘I wouldn’t mind so much,' she said, 'if I could claim the cost of cleaning my dresses. Stains from tomatoes and baked bean juice are very hard to get out. Also, people are very reluctant to give me any tips and don’t want to take any selfies with me, let alone to pay for them.’


The agency said that, in response, they were setting new boundaries. A recent request for ten Meghan's was turned down as it wouldn’t have been safe to use them as human bowling pins. The agency is helping the affected staff members to take costumed work instead, as characters like Shrek, Voldemort and Mr Blobby received more appreciation and better treatment from customers.




bottom of page