Johnson to send 2000 fridges to help humanitarian aid

Boris Johnson is to send 2000 fridges to Ukraine to help terrified civilians hide from the advancing Russian forces.

Mr.Johnson said that fridges and other thermally insulated compartments offer a cheap and effective way of hiding from people you are trying to avoid.

Some of the large scale fridges will be for commercial use while others will be home appliances.

‘Several families would be able to hide in a commercial sized fridge ‘ said a spokesperson, ‘but the smaller home appliances are perfect for people living on their own or who have already lost their loved ones during the bombing.'

'Speaking from experience the PM knows just how effective a fridge hiding place can be. He has hidden in fridges himself so knows how difficult it is for people to track you down and pester you.'

'Hiding in subways and underground carparks is one way to seek sanctuary but the PM has always preferred the fridge….you are less likely to be quizzed by an annoying journalists armed with a camera and a raft of difficult questions they expect you to answer.'

The spokesperson also confirmed that Mr.Johnson planned to confiscate the mobile phones of advancing Russian troops to stop them from sharing unwelcome video footage on social media.

Another way of avoiding unwelcome attention from advancing stormtroopers would be to spend the weekend at your country retreat, well away from the prying eyes of Russian snipers and their intrusive telescopic sights, the spokseperson concluded.

Image: Unsplash/Enrico Mantegazza

Toilet voted 'Best place to hide from your children 2021'

For the second year in a row, 'The Toilet' has topped the list as the most popular location to conceal yourself from your children.

For many, it is 'the only room in the sodding house with a lock on the door', which makes it a 'no-brainer' when picking the perfect spot to secrete oneself from the most irritating individuals in one's life.

Nick, a father of two, is a regular toilet-hider: 'I spend at least five or six hours in there on the weekend. It's so much better than interacting with my family or doing housework. My wife thinks I have a particularly aggressive form of chronic diarrhoea, which coincidentally began shortly after the birth of our first child. I play loud, unpleasant toilet noises from my phone to ensure my cover isn't blown - the added bonus is that it also drowns out the sound of the kids banging on the door. I have crisps and beer hidden under the toilet rolls and watch BT sport with headphones on. I absolutely love it.

Runners up include 'the shed' (kids never look there), 'the utility room' (you can usually hide under a pile of dirty washing) and 'down the pub' (brilliant but gets expensive).

image from pixabay

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