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New MeinCraft movie 'too woke'



Appealing to gamers and fascists - which are pretty much the same thing - Hollywood is combining the 20th century's most recognisable IPs. The film will have a loathed character, reviled throughout history, a name synonymous with war crimes, but if Jack Black is busy they may have to settle for Hitler.


There will be a spinoff game, with a procedurally generated Holocaust. Players will craft everything into Swastika shapes and at the end they will stand trial in Nuremburg for killing the Ender Dragon.


Chased by Nazi Creepers and Creepy Nazis, MeinCraft is described as fun for all the family - just not all families.


A spokesman for Nigel Farage said 'He's read it and he agrees wholeheartedly with all of... oh Craft? No, never heard of it.'


Image: WixAI

Hitler may have read Mein Kampf



The Trump government has drawn up a list of radical literature that must be banned or at the very least rendered in crayon so the President can read it. His spokeswoman explained why Mein Kampf was on the list: 'We don't know who wrote it. But we do believe Hitler read it. He was clearly influenced by it or, at very least, the Spark Notes.


'What we do know, is that it was a bad book, meant for bad people and nowhere near has good as Trump: The Art of the Deal, available for $9.99, at all good retail outlets.


Maybe the author wrote more - we don't know. What? He's dead? Shot? Jeez everyone's a critic. Goddamn cancel culture.'




Trump and Vance still can't agree who was ruder



Donald Trump and JD Vance are at odds over their meeting in the Oval Office with President Zelensky.


The two men had a bet on who could be the rudest to President Zelensky, and the bet remains unsettled. Trump claims that he was consistently rude, and says that he demonstrated all the basic forms of rudeness to an excellent standard.   He claims that his work on The Apprentice, USA has given him more practice at being rude.  JD Vance claims that he was demeaning, impertinent and crass, and made the most belittling comments.   He says that he adopted the best elements of Trump’s rudeness, but also took it up a level.


Neither of the two men is willing to concede to the other, despite the President threatening to sentence his V-P to further visits to Europe. They are now looking for someone to adjudicate the disputed bet, as there are one hundred dollars at stake, but they are now arguing about who to approach.  Trump wants to appoint Fox News, and Vance is keen to involve Steve Bannon.


The adjudicator will not have to deal with the side bet, for two hundred dollars, as neither Trump nor Vance succeeded in comparing Zelensky to Hitler on camera.


image from pixabay


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