New Homelessness Minister is the Big Bad Wolf

Keir Starmer said there was no conflict of interest with Mr.Wolf's private house blowing business. The PM confirmed that Mr. Wolf had his full backing and was not due to lobbying from the Anti-Pig League.

The new Minister reiterated his commitment to ending homelessness: 'I'll be reducing their numbers to zero by a one in one out policy. For every person made homeless, I eat one. Simple.' Labour are said to be keen to apply the same scheme to NHS waiting lists.

Starmer's corruption and hypocrisy has gone unchecked, admitted one journalist: 'We'll huff and puff but won't say anything.' Meanwhile Mr. Wolf has approved plans for 4 million new affordable homes - all of them straw.

Image: Wix AI

Is Rushanara Ali mates with Jaz Athwal?

Unwanted pets to be fed to carnivores in zoos

Next, unwanted children.

However, neither are likely to be substantial enough to satisfy hungry predators. Even under-nourished rough sleepers might not be very nutritious.

But the problem of grossly overcrowded prisons suggests another possibility. Big, burly prisoners might earn a return on the cost of feeding them, and the particularly violent ones might even be able to bring in some money, providing entertainment for spectators at feeding time.

Image: Dušan veverkolog (@veverkolog) | Unsplash Photo Community