Officials dealing with Boris Johnson’s honours list proposals say that worse is to come as Liz Truss’s proposals are even more challenging. An insider provided us with the following extract from her suggestions, which have been annotated with notes by an unnamed official:
My Honours List, by Liz, age 47 and 3/4
BEM for the Chairman of the British Cheese Council, because I Love Cheese!
OBE for Instagram. I just love Instagram. Are they British?
OBEs for my schools, Parkcrest Elementary, BC, Canada and Roundhay, Leeds
OBE for Tigger, my role model
OBE for Truss Island in the River Thames. I’ve never been, but it sounds nice
OBE for the Oxford University Lib Dem Society – they made me what I am today
- I don’t think the XPM understands that you can’t give OBEs to things. I’ll speak.
Ten OBEs awarded to people called Truss by lottery.
- There is already a process for randomly distributing honours – it’s called the Honours Committee
CBE for The Rt Hon Mark Field. I can’t say why.
- Well, this beats Boris trying to ennoble his Dad
Companion of Honour for my husband, as it’s an honour for him to be my companion
Royal Victorian Order – Jacob Rees Mogg – seems appropriate
Privy Council – Peter Bottomley. Because that would be quite funny. Privy – Bottom. Geddit?
George Cross for me, as I was very brave and heroic when I was PM
- The committee may take a different view.
And also -
A statue of me in Eltham South (subject to donor funding), commemorating my election as a councillor
- I expect that we will have to give Eltham South extra money to keep the statue clean and egg free. I don't suppose that the donors will want to pay for that.
A metro mayor for Narnia – Mr Tumnus, perhaps?
- First Tigger and now Mr Tumnus. Awards for fictional characters will be a first, but could turn out to be popular
Kwasi Kwarteng – freedom of the city of Mariupol or any of the places featured in the Crap Towns book
Henry, please can you circulate the original email for comments. I’d like to know how many of my colleagues are reckless enough to support any of this nonsense. Q
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