2150 CE. Archaeologists discover remains of HS2 line

Work on the new Maglev line has been stopped two miles from the edge of the Brum Megopolis after workers discovered rails that may have been buried over one hundred years ago. Experts believe these may be the remains of the now long forgotten HS2 project.

Spokesperson, Ivor Trowel, told reporters 'we are confident in our findings. This is the classic vanity project that collapsed in on itself; much the same as the Egyptian Pyramids, the Trump Library of Culture, and the Rwandan Relocation Project.

'Myth has it that high priests thought that they would save several minutes on a line dedicated to taking the dead to the darklands of the Northern Desert. In fact they wasted whole years and ended up precisely nowhere.

'Ee, civilisations eh? Ya cuddent mek it up'.

Image: Pixabay/Tama66

First published 18 June 2022

www.newsbiscuit.com

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Hovercraft to solve HS2 problems

The HS2 project is in a mess. The cost of the London to Birmingham link is now over £107bn, or 82 years worth of winter fuel payment savings.

The news that not a single piece of track had been ordered, let alone laid, has encouraged hovercraft fans to step forward.

Colin Keener, an enthusiastic advocate for British engineering, says that a hovercraft solution could cut costs and save the day.

'Hovercraft don't need any rails,' said Colin, stating the obvious. 'Getting to speeds of 220mph could be an issue, but jet engines would do the job. Steering could be a slight challenge, so the high speed hovercraft might need a guide wire. It is possible that carriages might sway a bit, but probably no worse than those pendolino trains.

He went on to say that the weight of hovercraft trains wouldn't be an issue as long as passenger numbers were restricted.

A spokesman for the Department for Transport acknowledged the proposal with a sigh. He pointed out that the £107bn cost of HS2 would be easily covered by the sale of 3.1 billion rail cards.

Image: Pixabay/alfvanbeem