Liz Truss to fight Anthony Joshua

Jake Paul, the influencer and amateur boxer, did not do well in his boxing match with Anthony Joshua. But canny political operator Liz Truss has noticed how much publicity the match attracted, and is now keen to fight Anthony Joshua herself.

Although Liz Truss has no boxing experience at all, she still fancies her chances. 'It's an all British match,' she shrieked with unaccountable gusto, 'It'll be EPIC,' she yelled, lapsing into upper case, just like her hero, Donald Trump.

Liz will need to secure financial backing for the fight. Some Tory donors are apparently quite keen. 'It would be well worth the money,' said one through gritted teeth.

Liz expects to make over a million from the fight, and could make more than twenty million by betting on herself to win. And the fight will get her a huge amount of free publicity. GB News leads the race for the TV rights. 'I can't use the BBC,' she said, 'I need this to be broadcast in America, too.'

'When I win,' said Liz, with a steely glint in her eyes, 'I will immediately challenge Nigel Farage to a fight. Then we'll see who's the Daddy.'

Image: LubomirKasl - Pixabay

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Andrew Tate revealed as comedy character

Manosphere “influencer” Andrew Tate was today revealed to be a comedy character, created and performed by comedian Steve Bradshaw.

'I’d been working the clubs for a while, keeping my head above water without ever really breaking through,' said Bradshaw today. 'Then I read something about these manosphere influencers on the internet, and thought that was a ripe subject for parody.

'I never for a moment imagined people would take him seriously. I mean, do people watch Philomena Cunk and think she’s a real historian? Or Nigel Farage and think he’s a real politician?'

'It is weird,” agreed Mike Jenkins, who Bradshaw recruited to play Tate’s brother Tristan. “I mean, the obvious homoeroticism of these guys hanging around the gym all day admiring each other’s physiques, but claiming to be 100% uber-heterosexual. In a way, it’s a little depressing people haven’t got the joke.'

Bradshaw said he also felt bad about “Hustlers’ University”, started by “Tate” a few years ago to give disaffected young men the life skills to become “hustlers”.

'Surely it’s obvious he’s the one hustling them? Taking their money and giving them nothing but retarded garbage in return? How do people not get this?'

In the circumstances, and despite the fact they’re making him more money than comedy ever did, he agreed to suspend all Tate’s courses lest they cause harm in the real world.

Meanwhile on Reddit, the subthread r/tateisreal was created so angry young men could warn each other not to be taken in by the “fake news” that Tate is a comedian who was taking the piss out of them all along.

'Tate completely changed my life,' said user AlphaBro. 'Without him, I’d never have got my girlfriend to do webcam work, so I could live a life of leisure off the money she makes me. Well, I say girlfriend - I haven’t seen her in a while, and her stuff doesn’t seem to be in the flat any more. Which means I’ve finally got room for a weights bench and gaming chair! #livingmybestlife'

Photo by Sigmund on Unsplash