‘Gap between borrowing and savings rates’ to be recognised as a Wonder of the World

The huge chasm between the rates for borrowing money and those offered to savers by banks is to replace the Grand Canyon as one of the Wonders of the World, it has been announced.

‘It’s about time this gap got some kind of recognition’, said bank account holder Mike McBride.

‘I regularly stand there staring at my bank statement, speechless, in simple open-mouthed awe, comparing the 5% or 6% interest rate on my mortgage with the 0.5% offered to me on my admittedly measly levels of savings’

‘I was lucky enough to be looking at the gap last week and saw it increase in size in front of my eyes – something to tell the grandchildren’, continued McBride.

‘When the Bank of England increased the base rate, my mortgage rate immediately went up by the full 0.75% but my savings rate inched up by 0.00001%. You have to marvel at the sheer magnitude and scale of the gap – I hope it gets identified as a UNESCO heritage site or something’.

‘This is nonsense – there are some very competitive savings rates still available to customers’ said Sir Hugh Gevault of the Bankers Federation.

‘A number of our banks actually have a very generous 1.5% rate currently available to all savers. All we ask is that savers keep a minimum of £500,000 untouched in the bank there for a period of 199 years, and if they make a single withdrawal in this time, we would of course take all their children as a penalty charge’.

‘Mine and my banking executives’ eye-watering bonus levels, however’, continued Gevault. ‘Now they are a modern wonder of the world. Long may they continue’

www.newsbiscuit.com

Image: Pixabay/stevepb

The Borrowers face eviction if interest rates skyrocket

A family of tiny four-inch-high people who live below a clock could lose it if interest rates go through the roof.

With tears in his eyes, Mr Pod Clock, who had just returned from a trip exploring the garden, explained the tragic circumstances.

‘We’ve been happily borrowing for years,’ he said. ‘That’s how we got the old, detached clock to live under a few years ago. I never thought for one minute that the interest rates would shoot up overnight because some brain-dead human bean in Downing Street doesn’t know how to use a calculator. It’s the perfect storm. Thanks to Brexit, exports of my boot buttons have tailed right off, and I can’t seem to get a second job scaling curtains with a hairpin to help pay the mortgage.'

Pod’s wife Homily, a tiny person and tiny housewife, agreed with him. ‘At this rate we’re not going to be able to keep up with our borrowing and we're all worried in case Arrietty starts self harming again.

A spokesman for the Ratcatcher Building Society said they were sympathetic with the family’s plight. However, it was better for all concerned if the small people were crushed underfoot once and for all.

'We will not hesitate to raise interest rates' says Bank of England, hesitating

.