Social media users agree never to believe anything posted ever again

All social media users everywhere have agreed never to believe anything posted from now on, after acknowledging that AI, conspiracy theories, and complete liars have made it impossible to tell the truth from trolling.

'Even cat videos look suspicious these days,' said user crochetgirl89. 'I adopted a cat, and it doesn't even like filming for Insta!'

A Downing Street spokesperson hailed the agreement, ratified across the world on all apps at 6am today, adding that 'We don't think it will affect the public's view of the government's online output at all.'

The agreement appears to have taken effect quickly, having been condemned immediately as 'fake news' by the right, 'interference by bad actors from other planets' by the left, and as 'complete b****cks by pretty much everyone else involved.

Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

Teachers’ Union issues stern warning over 'Brainmaxxing' trend

Teachers' Unions have issued a new report concerning the latest trend amongst teenage boys. Said to be prompted by online 'influencers' such as 'SockRat' and 'Domsky', vulnerable young men are adopting extreme and alarming practices to improve or 'Maxx' their own brains.

Belinda Truscott, Chair of the 'Committee for Research into why Teenage Boys are Such Unmitigated Twats', summarised the reports findings:

'Marginalised young men are taking unusual steps to make themselves more appealing to the opposite sex. This can include reading at length, from actual books - the ones made out of paper. In extreme cases we have come across boys as young as thirteen in possession of poetry. We are greatly concerned about the effects this might have on their ability to relate normally to football'.

One young man we spoke to said he felt under increasing pressure to 'Y'know, like, actually know stuff, cos you don't want your mates to think you're fick, innit bruv'. Another, extreme victim of the Brainmaxxing trend said 'I simply despise the less erudite. I'm here. I'm sesquipedalian. Get used to it'.

Author: johnnyotter

Image: WixAI

Technical issue with Eurovision