With the talks between Putin and Trump in Alaska to shaft Ukraine looking unlikely President Trump has lamented the lost opportunity for him to win the Nobel Peace Prize, an award he believes should be his. Consequently he has tasked Pete Hegseth to draw up plans to invade Norway to extract the Peace Prize for him, by force.
The Norwegian Nobel Committee has convened and is proposing a sixth Nobel prize to the existing five - Peace, Physics, Chemistry, Medicine and Literature - the Nobel Irony Prize. 'We could have awarded the literature prize for the Art of the Deal,' suggested a Nobel Committee spokesman, 'but given the way he is wrecking the US economy that would also translate into irony as well.'
Despite coming under heavy bombardment from Russian artillery, Ukraine's internet connections are still outpacing the UK's TalkTalk broadband service, according to an intercepted email.
The email, sent from homeworker Sergei Butrov, detailed how pleased he was with his seamless broadband despite his block of flats being targeted by a 500-pound bunker-buster bomb earlier this morning and the subsequent death of his family.
Butrov's claims have raised further questions about TalkTalk's unpreparedness should thermonuclear war interfere with UK-based broadband services, bearing in mind the number of people working from home.
"Is great," said Sergei in the brief communication. "I read from CNN about Ukraine flag on EU building and somehow delay in NATO troop reinforcement. It piss all over your TalkTalk."
First published 26 Feb 2022
If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
 |  |  |  |