Trump threatens huge bombast strike on Iran

'I'm giving the Iranian regime two weeks to sign a deal to limit its nuclear activities,' Trump told the White House press corps, 'and if it refuses, I will subject it to the biggest wave of bombast the world has ever seen.

'No one can bombast their enemies more bigly than me,' boasted Trump.

'I have ordered a B2 bombast strike force to Diego Garcia which will hit the hell out of Iran with tough-guy threats, and I'll be launching wave after wave of intercontinental bombastic missiles on Tehran from the USS Blowhard, to bore the living hell out of everyone who listens to me.

'And if those fascist priests who run Iran - who I very much respect for their incredible fascist style of running the 'joint - still refuse to do what I tell them, then I'll huff and I'll puff and I will bloviate their house down... bigly!'

Picture credit: deep dream generator

Motorcycle tourists amend their description of Iran

A couple of round-the-world tourists published a glowing account of their experience of Iran, stating that they were 'having an amazing time'.  However, they have now advised readers that there were 'one or two tiny typographical errors in our previous report.'

'Where we spoke of the 'lovely people' and of a 'lovely country', what we actually meant to say was 'The country is a dangerous, corrupt sh!t-hole and the w@nkers who live there are a load of complete c*nts.'  We regret any confusion which may have been caused by our earlier lack of clarity.'

Picture credit: Wix AI

Foreign Office guidance - “No, seriously, stop going to Iran”

The Foreign Office issued advice today saying it’s “not f*cking around” when it warns Britons not to travel to Iran.

“Honestly, we’ve only just got Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe back,” huffed spokesman Jeremy Cufflinks. “Along with some bearded guy who was actually in jail there for longer, but never made the news because he’s not a good-looking woman.

“And now another couple of idiots have got themselves arrested. God knows what we’ll have to do to get them back. Are there some other historical debts we never got round to paying?”

For their part, Craig and Lindsay Foreman denied they were being reckless in travelling to Iran in defiance of Foreign Office advice. 

“We just wanted to see the sights, meet the people, go to one of those wonderfully exotic bazaars... all those spices, so colourful!

”And obviously to pull off the Ayatollah’s turban to see if he had an orange mohican underneath - I laughed so much when Frank Drebin did that in The Naked Gun…”

Image: Pixabay/mokhaladmusavi