'I went into the war against Iran believing the regime's leaders would immediately bend to my will, because I'm omnipotent,' boasted a puffed up Donald Trump.
'Weeks went by and they still weren't 'crying uncle'. They were calling me a demented old fool. But all those Tomahawks and suchlike we fired off showed that I'm potent.
'Now Iran's closed the Strait of Hormuz, and I am totally powerless to get it open again without caving into all of its demands.
'So we'll be whittling those words down to a single word: 'impotent',' admitted Trump, flaccidly.
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