Trump launches HickTok for most hopelessly dim supporters

"HickTok is the social media platform for the President's most fervent, pig ignorant supporters," said a spokes-chatbot for Trump Enterprises.

"These are the millions of American rubes, redneck and hayseeds who've pledged their votes to him for 2028, despite not knowing what year it is now or even what a vote is.

"Because these people - if you can call them that - are functionally illiterate and proud of it, HickTok will show them clips of Trump dad-dancing to YMCA, launching missiles at Iran and abusing the cringing leaders of satellite states."

"We lurrve him," said two newlywed cousins from Squawking, West Virginia, who have signed up to Hicktok.

"He's gonna buy us a pick-up truck and a new hunting rifle," they added, gullibly.

image by Grok

Trump backs down on claim he's omnipotent

'I went into the war against Iran believing the regime's leaders would immediately bend to my will, because I'm omnipotent,' boasted a puffed up Donald Trump.

'Weeks went by and they still weren't 'crying uncle'. They were calling me a demented old fool. But all those Tomahawks and suchlike we fired off showed that I'm potent.

'Now Iran's closed the Strait of Hormuz, and I am totally powerless to get it open again without caving into all of its demands.

'So we'll be whittling those words down to a single word: 'impotent',' admitted Trump, flaccidly.

Image credit: perchance.org