UK recognises Palestine is now very flat

About 100 years too late, the UK has said it will recognise the State of Palestine, now that it is pretty much destroyed. Palestinians agreed that it was nice to be recognised, but it would have been nicer to be recognised while they were still alive.

The formal process involves handing over a treaty, unfortunately the UK can find lots of Palestian hands, but no actual arms connected to them. An aide of Sir Keir explained: 'This isn't the sort of thing you want to rush. It's much easier to give sufficient land to the Palestinians if the population is zero.' Said one diplomat. 'What's the State of Palestine? I'd say it was in a pretty bad state.'

Image: Jade Koroliuk (@jadekoroliuk) | Unsplash Photo Community

The Levant School bully

Israel attacks another country, to keep itself in practice

'It had been a good 24 hours since we'd done something truly despicable, like bombing a hospital in Gaza,' a spokes-F16 for the IDF told ashen faced reporters.

'Everyone in the war cabinet was sitting around, wondering what to do next to maintain our coveted position of Pariah Nation of the 21st Century.

'Then the Minister of Health said 'I know! Why don't we launch a strike into Lebanon, killing and wounding a bunch of civilians? We haven't done that for some time.'

'So we bombed Lebanon, and that kept us on the front pages of the international press for a bit, given how we had - once again - exhibited a truly callous disregard for human life.

'Then the next day they were all sitting around and scratching their heads again.

''I know,' said the Minister for Overseas Aid. 'Why don't we have a good go at impoverished Yemen again? Just like the old days? Really make it suffer.

'Next, we're thinking of launching a pre-emptive strike on Tehran, just to keep our hands in,' continued the spokes-jet.

'I mean, we wouldn't want our bomber pilots getting out of practice, would we? We might need them for a real war.'

Image: Kyle Glenn (@kylejglenn) | Unsplash Photo Community