Australian geologists who have discovered fossilised soft tissue remains of the Gogo fish, believed to be 380 million years old, are disputing whether it predates the critical Darwinian development of all humans, or just the sub species that doesn't include Jacob Rees-Mogg. 'The Gogo fish clearly had a heart,' stated the scientists in a terse statement today
image from pixabay
Although thousands of NHS patients were affected, the Government insisted no undead would get a handout – unless it was Jacob Rees Mogg: ‘There is a big difference between being unknowingly infected, compared to going around London sucking the blood of virgins’. Countered one vampire: ‘Do you know how difficult it is to find a virgin in London?’
Neither will any leeches be compensated, although Keir Starmer said he would still pay their shareholders. There would be no payments for vampires getting cold-sores, dry mouth or bad breath. Commented Dracula: ‘Well, that sucks’.
Image from Pixabay by TheDigitalArtist