90% of world's suffering caused by James Corden's agent

As rumours swirl that Corden is contemplating running for London Mayor, we ask - have we not suffered enough? Having sat through his excruciating aciing career and his cringe-inducing interviews, we may have to endure his unfunny attempt to coordinate when the bins go out.

The evil mastermind behind all this is his agent, Mr.S.Atan. There is no way such a mediocre talent could flourish, without a pact with the devil and a haircut that never changes.

Once elected, Corden will insist on smug being London's default emotion, with canned laughter on every street corner. It will become the capital of irritating, with Corden the Mayor of HowTheF$ckDidYouGetThatJob.

Satan said: 'For James to become Mayor, someone had to sell their soul. I'm just not sure if it was him or me.'

Image: Pixabay/BazzaBoy

UK excited to get their own Marine Le Pen in 4 years

For the next UK government, the plan is to be as condesending and smug as they can, while offering bugger-all and enabling the far-right. It is a tricky balancing act between middle management, the Weimar Republic and punching yourself in the face.

This long term goal involves sneering at kindness, talking about 'tough choices' and using war as an aphrodisiac. By that point people will be so desperate that they will vote for anyone, even Hitler McHitlerFace or James Corden.

France has not so much lurched to the right, they have conga-lined towards it. With the neo-liberal consensus being that if you bang the anti-immigrant drum long enough, an actual Fascist will pick up the drum and say 'Oooo nice drum. Mind if I have a go?'. A Shadow Minister denied they would open the door to No.10 for the far-right: 'Why would we, when we've already had a spare set of keys cut for them.'

Departing James Corden is ‘choked’ - but not by enough

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