Thinking of Jesus

One famous Palestinian not very happy about what’s being done on his birthday

Remarked the renowned carpenter's apprentice: 'I was hoping for the usual frankincense and Lynx Africa deodorant set. Instead, I got the IDF kicking in the stable door and shooting the wise men in the head. It’s been a month without clean water – and not a Brussel sprout in sight.'

'Normally the worst thing about having your Birthday at Xmas is that you get half the number of presents. Now the worst thing is that there are no children left alive to act out the Nativity. And I was hoping for a white Christmas and all I got was white phosphorus.'

'Easter always used to depress me, because of you know what, but now they’ve ruined Christmas – even more than Cliff Richard. Everyone wants Peace on Earth... except in Gaza it seems.'

Image: Simone Dinoia (@erraticframe) | Unsplash Photo Community

Farage Tells Sunak To Send Santa To Rwanda

A copy of a letter from Nigel Farage to Rishi Sunak has been leaked:

Dear Rishi,

I've been very disturbed to hear that a foreigner is being allowed to drive a sleigh into our sovereign lands and abuse the sanctity of our chimneys, which were designed for boys to climb up with sweeping brushes not for fat men to climb down with toys. I would therefore like to insist that we introduce a bill that would intercept these sleighs over the North Sea and send this Santa bloke to Rwanda, while his presents would be confiscated and distributed to the children of my dear friend Boris. We will also ban any teaching about people who weren't British so unfortunately that means Xmas will be permanently canceled until Jesus comes back as an Englishman and Mary is discovered to have been a secret cockney who got lost while on a knees-up in Benidorm.

Yours,

Nige.

A copy of a letter from Farage directly to Santa has not yet come to light.

Author: satchmo76

Image: Newsbiscuit