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As the care sector in the UK continues to struggle with funding issues and staff payment and retention, across the Atlantic care for the elderly is taken extremely seriously if the example we viewed is anything to go by.


The 'White House' in Washington D.C. is a residential home with facilities that many places in the UK can only dream of. As our guide, Mary Koplinski, explained, 'We believe our residents deserve the best as they approach their twilight years.'


The best includes a swimming pool, movie theatre, solarium, music room, chocolate shop, games room and bowling alley. Also impressive is the ratio of staff to residents. Mary told us, 'We currently have one 81-year-old gentleman, who is a little unsteady on his feet and with a tendency to get very confused. However, looking after him is a staff of over 500, attending to his every need. Occasionally he takes little trips out, but we pick him up and help him back to his room. Otherwise he mostly sleeps a lot.'


Unlike UK care home costs of upwards of £1,000 per week per resident, the White House costs are all fully funded. However, every resident does need a bankroll of several million dollars to pay for the application and selection process.


Mary was quite excited about possibly seeing a return visitor in January next year. 'Another elderly gent who was last here about four years ago. Then it was respite care, mainly for his family's benefit, to give them a break. Some of the elderly can be very demanding and at times irrational. This time he will require extra supervision as he's become more paranoid and delusional, but that's fine. We just ensure he doesn't touch anything inappropriate, such as shiny red buttons, or female interns.'


After criticism for shortcomings in protecting Donald Trump, the Secret Service has upped its game regarding President Biden.


An insider said that the Secret Service has already prevented three assassination attempts this week.  Despite the obvious publicity value to the Democrats, the incidents are being hushed up, with the special security classification ‘Restricted - Roswell’.


The first incident involved an accident with an office stapler.   It was later downgraded from an assassination attempt as no third party was involved.  Joe Biden has been encouraged to let his admin staff do the stapling in future.


The second incident happened at lunchtime.   The danger to the President was averted when a lifeguard rescued Joe Biden from the shallow end of a tomato soup.  This followed an attempted stabbing with a very sharp sardine tin lid.


Finally, at bed-time, a highly trained Secret Service agent was able to rescue the President from a strangulation attempt.  A flannelette pyjama top was taken away for questioning.


The insider told us that all agents remain on high alert, as there are dangers around every corner.  Not least because Joe insists on keeping his dark glasses on indoors.


image from pixabay

hat tip to Steve B


Joe Biden has launched his own brand of coffee. It’s a mature, strong and patriotic coffee with extra caffeine, to keep you alert 24/7. Medical charlatans say that it will definitely prevent Alzheimer's. Or is it dementia? I forget.


PR experts say that the ‘Cup of Joe’ branding is marketing genius. The TV advert features Joe Biden standing on coffee sacks, saying that he always keeps his feet on the ground. Bad puns still shift product in the USA. While Democrats are expected to lap it up, retailers are worried that the coffee will not sell well to Republicans. To make the coffee more attractive to Republican voters, there is a promise that for each pack purchased, five cents will be donated to the ‘Biden 2028’ Presidential campaign.


Joe Biden insists that this isn’t a re-launch, but industry insiders are wondering if he has forgotten about the previous launch of 'Cup of Joe' in 2017.


Donald Trump has dismissed reports that he is launching a competing product - rumoured to be an orange coloured hard seltzer called Trump Bubbles - as ‘fake news’.


Image: Wix AI


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