Starmer most hated PM? Hold my pint, says Streeting

Rumours of a leadership bid, have been triggered by Starmer being less popular than Prince Andrew at a Nativity Play. Wes Streeting is touted as a natural replacement as someone we can universally despise. He has all the charm of a puff adder and the ethics of...well...a puff adder.

Embarrassingly Starmer chose to quell rumours of a challenge, by announcing rumours of a challenge using a megaphone. The first example of a political career accessing assisted suicide.

Streeting did the media rounds with popular ideas - a new series of Mrs Brown's Boys, talking during movies and bringing back Windows Vista. He boasted if he became PM slow WiFi would be standard and the word "literally" would be literally misused literally every day. Literally.

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The Labour flagship

Deported migrant got more than £500

Border Force officials are pleased to see the back of an asylum seeker finally deported to Ethiopia today.

The press are reporting that the man was paid £500 so that he wouldn't make a fuss. Insiders say that he got a lot more than £500.

Our source said, 'That man was an ace negotiator. He was relentless. He asked for, and received, all kinds of amazing stuff.

'He got a signed photograph of Sir Mark Rowley, head of the Met Police, so that he could show his family who had lost out big time at hide and seek. He had to promise that he wouldn't share it with the press or post it on social media. He seemed very trustworthy, so our negotiators said yes. He also got Keir Starmer's wife's recipe for Lemon Cheesecake, the freedom of Epping, twelve sticks of seaside rock from Clacton, some nice clothes, and Sushi for the flight home.

'On the plus side, he has promised not to tell everyone in Ethiopia about the five hundred quid and the other goodies. So hopefully that will encourage Ethiopians to stay at home and not to take a trip to the UK.

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