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Former deputy Prime Minister John 'Two Jabs' Prescott has offered to help reduce dire NHS Dentist waiting lists using his highly effective, no-nonsense procedure of punching voters squarely in the mush.
The erstwhile Labour heavyweight's offer comes at a time when only one in 10 NHS dental practices in UK are taking new patients for treatment under the health service, although nine out of 10 do still recommend this publication's patented Newspaste Gum & Tonic for all your other health requirements.
'He's good for anything slightly wobbly and you won't feel a thing for five to ten minutes after he's belted you,' promised the Yorkshire Slugger's manager. 'If it's not quite so loose then you might have to egg him first, and if it's really stuck in there then we've got Eric Cantona on call, but that's better if you need a few out, to be honest'.
A spokeswoman for Opposition Leader Kier Starmer dismissed the offer as 'another slap in the face for Joe Public' whilst conceding, 'It's good to know at least some members of the Labour Party aren't afraid of a good strike, even if it's directly to the jaw of the tax payer.'
Story: Pliskin
First published 11 Aug 2022
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Keir Starmer said there was no conflict of interest with Mr.Wolf's private house blowing business. The PM confirmed that Mr. Wolf had his full backing and was not due to lobbying from the Anti-Pig League.
The new Minister reiterated his commitment to ending homelessness: 'I'll be reducing their numbers to zero by a one in one out policy. For every person made homeless, I eat one. Simple.' Labour are said to be keen to apply the same scheme to NHS waiting lists.
Starmer's corruption and hypocrisy has gone unchecked, admitted one journalist: 'We'll huff and puff but won't say anything.' Meanwhile Mr. Wolf has approved plans for 4 million new affordable homes - all of them straw.
Image: Wix AI
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