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Fermat's Last Cat


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It turns out that Schrödinger's cat was alive and well, but just lost.  When the box was opened there was no sign of a dead cat.  However, it has been impossible to find the original (presumably live) one either.  Fermat asserted that it was impossible for any cat to exist in a cube-shaped box or a box of any shape and of any number of dimensions other that a flat one with zero volume and claimed to have a discovered a proof of this, although 'there wasn't enough space to write it down', even though there was (or had been) apparently sufficient room for a cat, even if not sufficient room to swing one.  Some have nicknamed it 'Fermat's Lost Cat', and there is ongoing debate whether a lost cat is the same thing as a missing cat or a dead cat, and whether a missing cat can be counted as alive or dead.   


It was just the same when the new owner of the box, Sir Keir Starmer, opened it and claimed that, as promised, the cat was indeed in there, but very, very small - so small as to be invisible and just about undetectable, and might indeed. actually be dead, or at least broken.


'The cat would need to be much larger if it is to be found, and its state of health determined.  So clearly, the answer is that what is essential for this, now, is growth.'




Keir Starmer’s keynote speech on football and the Euros


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We are proud to have made it to the semi-finals of the Euros. This is an immense achievement after fourteen years of Tory mismanagement. I visited a great many football clubs during my election campaign. Too often, I heard stories of underinvestment, a lack of hope, and a failure to find opportunity.


I pay tribute to the dedication and hard work that Gareth Southgate brought to his leadership of the national team. But the extra effort needed to get to the final should not be underestimated by anyone.  However much I would like to, I can give no guarantees about a semi-final win.

Footballing failure has led to a weariness in the heart of a nation.   A draining away of the hope, the spirit, the belief in a better future.  We must all accept that the team’s performance has too often been painful to watch, and that we need to heal those wounds.  We need to move forward, together.  We must rebuild our team, so that we can win all of football’s major trophies, including the World Cup.

And it is surely clear to everyone that our football needs a bigger reset. For too long now we have turned a blind eye as millions slid into other so-called sports – Padel, Boccia, Korfball – while football was ignored. I want to say very clearly to people - not this time. 


Changing football is not like flicking a switch.  It will take a while.  But have no doubt that the work of change begins – immediately.  We start today with the simple acknowledgment that football can be a force for good.

Ball by ball, we will rebuild our national game from the ground up, with football thriving in every community. With every team member treated with dignity and respect, and providing the hope that working people can build their lives around.  To defy, quietly, those who have written our national team off. 

 

You have given us a clear mandate to deliver change and to restore sportsmanship and respect to football.  Facing down, as we have so often in our past, the challenges of other national teams.


So, with respect and humility, I invite you all to support our work to deliver national football renewal. 

Our work is urgent… 

And we begin it today.




Labour to subcontract governance

In its first days of office, Labour have promised to solve the housing and health crisis, by getting someone else to do it. Pleading for the private sector to step in, Sir Keir Starmer explained he would be taking the next four years off as TOIL- 'just like the last government'.


Asked why then he had run a campaign with the slogan 'change', he explained that loose change was all he was willing to spend. His spokeswoman said: 'Private finance can be trusted to benevolently invest and then lovingly assest strip the NHS. And all responsibility will be delegated, to ensure plausible deniability.


'We'll be out-sourcing everything, except being insufferably smug, we've got a monopoly on that.'




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