It has emerged that the Labour Govt have purchased a second-hand decommissioned seventies version of the EU, complete with a full set of early treaty documents, black plastic folders to carry papers around, and matching brown PVC desk and chair sets in the Continental style of the time.
The relics were spotted by a junior UK diplomat, in a Paris flea market, while he was off duty. He reported the finding to his superiors, who saw an opportunity to reset relations with Europe after 14 years of Conservative rule. Recent attempts to negotiate with the EU have become bogged down in details over the divergence of the UK from EU norms since Brexit.
"The current domination of the EU parliament by right-wing groups has proved a sticking point in re-establishing relations as fully as we would have liked" said a govt spokesman in a wide-collared brown suit with matching wide brown tie. "The original EU was perceived as much more left-wing" he continued, "and despite the Commissioners assuring us that the recent election of huge numbers of right-wing MEPs, can have no effect on actual policies, it is still a problem in terms of optics"
Upon joining "EU 1.0", the UK will not be bound by modern EU rules and laws, and it will be able to claim to be in a trading block, although it will be a block of one. When questioned about rumours that the govt will try to get Iceland to join by offering them unfettered use of UK fishing grounds, the spokesman described this line of enquiry as "a fishing trip"
