Two year old "prick" shortlisted for next FIFA peace prize

Clacton toddler, Wayne Jenkins, has been shortlisted for the 2027 FIFA Peace Prize.

Rachel Meadon has been a babysitter for Wayne and speaking from her hospital bed, Ms Meadon issued the statement, "My god, that little ****?"

FIFA president, Gianni Infantino, explained the decision. "Our first thought was to give it to Donald Trump again but in the long tradition of the peace prize, no one has received it twice. So we spread the net a bit wider and we discovered on a childcare WhatsApp group a video of a screaming toddler throwing not only his toys out of his pram but also the pram itself and we felt we'd found our man, er, child.

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Questions raised about King's Blue Peter badge

King Charles has been given a Blue Peter badge for protecting nature and the environment. But Blue Peter viewers are not sure that the award is deserved, and are concerned about the BBC's motivation.

'We're not stupid,' said Noah, aged 7. ' We've all done Key Stage 1 Media Studies. We know that charter renewal is coming up. And we know that there is a tension between the palace and the Beeb. The BBC has covered Andrew's childish behaviour extensively, and they've also given airtime to the American outcasts, Harry and Meghan. And the King had done a Christmas message for ITV, purely to annoy the BBC. So is this just the BBC sucking up to the King?'

Kacey, aged 6, is also sceptical. 'Did the King earn the badge on his own? Or did other people do all the hard work, as usual? Blue Peter badges really means something, and the BBC shouldn't devalue them by throwing them around like FIFA peace prizes.'

Travis, aged 8, says that the King has his own system of prizes, and that he's awarded himself and his family plenty of titles and medals already. 'He shouldn't be stealing a Blue Peter badge from a deserving child. He can just give himself another Garter or something.'

A Palace spokesman declined to comment, but said that, based on his research, Blue Peter has no process for rescinding a badge, and this could only be done by Act of Parliament. The badge is currently on display in the Tower of London.