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Weight of Royal medals may have caused structural damage to Buckingham Palace balcony

Weight of Royal medals may have caused structural damage to Buckingham Palace balcony, say engineers


The weight of military medals, ceremonial paraphernalia and assorted pearl necklaces could have caused serious structural damage to the balcony at Buckingham Palace warn engineers.


Workers tasked with restoring the Palace say they have came across cracks and crumbling infrastructure that have left the balcony in a dangerous condition.


‘The type of damage we found on site is typically associated with excessive weight and impact trauma….the balcony was not built to carry the sort of excessive burden put on it by the current Royal family’ said engineer Jason Beasley ‘the load bearing lintels were designed to carry a modest sized family wearing bonnets and waving silk fans….not rocking a battalion of service medals and military hardware usually seen at a victory day parade in Moscow


Add to that the amount of gold jewellery and pearl necklaces worn by Camilla and it is no wonder the balcony is in danger of collapse’, "The Royals should either take it in turns venturing out on to the balcony to wave at the crowds or scale back on the amount of medals they wear."


‘It all started with the Prince Albert….but thankfully Andrew isn’t allowed on the balcony anymore’.


image from pixabay


King Charles “really not that interested in soldiers marching about”

Following today’s Trooping of the Colour ceremony, Buckingham Palace has issued a statement saying King Charles really isn’t that interested in watching soldiers marching about.


”I know mummy used to enjoy it, though God knows the ancient Greek always looked as bored as f*ck.


”Anyway, I’m King now and what I say goes. So please don’t expect me to sit through this bollocks again next year, all this stupid marching about for no reason. I mean, they don’t even look like real soldiers in those silly red uniforms and furry hats. No wonder we lost India. 


“And don’t get me started on the bloody Red Arrows. So you can fly close to each other belching out coloured smoke, whoopee doo-dah. Do you know how many bloody times I’ve seen that? Either learn a new trick or let me enjoy my birthday in my own way.


”And that’s another thing - it’s not even my birthday, it’s my official birthday, which is a load of bollocks, frankly. My actual birthday is on… well, I don’t recall, but one of my staff will know.”


Soon after the press release was sent out, the King’s Press Secretary returned from a short holiday, saying “Well, the ceremony looked splendid on TV as always. Anything much happen while I was away?”


image from pixabay


While King travels to Canada, UK declares sneaky Republic


He had only been out of the country for two-days, but King Charles III discovered the UK had changed all the locks when he tried to get back in. What was meant to be a show of support for the new Canadian PM, turned out to be a decree nisi from the throne. When he returned to the UK he found all his belongings - including a set of golf clubs, the Duchy of Cornwall and an Illuminati sticker album – to have been unceremoniously dumped in black bin bags outside Dover.


The UK was unrepentant, claiming the relationship had been dead for years and that they had just been going through the motions, including all that weird stuff with his Mum and Paddington. Historically all the King Charles have been unpopular Monarchs, hence the expression ‘a right proper Charlie, ‘a good-time Charlie’ and ‘you inbred, adulterous, fat-fingered flummox-brained half-witted cream-face loon…Charlie’.


Technically, Canada is now responsible for feeding and watering the unwanted King, but they have problems of their own. This probably means Charles will wander into the nearest wood and been killed by foxes – which has a sort of irony only a swan could enjoy.



Image credit: Wix AI

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