- Lockjaw
- Apr 11, 2023
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King Charles has ordered that the vehicle have all the mod cons required to keep the riff raff away. The head coachman confirmed: 'The wheels will have rotating blades, there will be concealed flamethrowers and an ejector seat should the plebs get too close.'
The original gold-plated carriage was intended as a big f$ck you to all those prols who could not afford shoes but more recent coaches have had to fend off the unwashed hordes with electrified door handles. The 1.3 mile journey down The Mall now resembles a scene from Mad Max, with the monarch hurling grenades at his ravenous subjects.
'Built like a Sherman tank, it has more gadgets than OO7. We've even given it an extra springy suspension, for when the King rolls over the crowds. It'll be less like a coronation but more like a Royal Rumble.'
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/publicdomainpictures-14/
Forced to fund pictures of King Charles, the tax payer may be wondering if there were better bargains to be had. Paintings of Princess Margaret's Tindr profile, Fergie's toe job or Prince Harry dressed as a Nazi, from his pre-woke years.
Instead of having Charles' gurning mug adorning every cub scout hall, they could have had Prince Andrew, with the phone number for Childline. Even just a racist slogan to immortalise Prince Phillip's contribution to harmless banter.
Meanwhile portraits of the late Queen will be ceremonially burned, along with the evidence of her tax avoidance. Said one serf: '£8m to reminder the masses that he is superior? I guess its cheaper than paying for a blue tick on Twitter.'
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