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Tory computer nerds thought they had scored a major PR victory over Labour when they hacked the geolocation service ‘What Three Words’. Unfortunately, no-one noticed.


The correct What Three Words location for the Liverpool conference centre is square.jacked.slammed, which is already slightly amusing. The Tory hackers were able to change the descriptors regularly throughout the Labour conference. On the first day, the location was given as last.chance.saloon, which was later amended to starmer.online.healthcare. Other versions included liar.opportunist.grifter, during Keir’s keynote speech, and tax.rises.imminent and your.pension.screwed during Rachel Reeves’ address. The conference closed on overpromise.underdeliver.disappointment.


The nerds failed to convince any journalists that the stunt was worth reporting, so their efforts were both vain and in vain. One veteran reporter said that it was hardly in Ed Davey’s league when it came to stunts.


A spokesman for the Labour Party said that once delegates and journalists had arrived at the conference, they wouldn’t need to use What Three Words to find out where it was. Although she did concede that some delegates might have worried that they were in the wrong place.



Hat tip to deskpilot


Image credit: perchance.org

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It was revealed today that a man is genuinely looking forward to Sir Keir Starmer’s party conference speech this afternoon.


Colin Sawdust of Oswestry already has a blank tape in his VHS (he doesn’t hold with these modern DVD players) to record the speech, which he expects to find very moving.


“I just love the way he combines a sober, realistic and wide-ranging analysis of the problems Britain faces in the medium term, with a reasonable and measured series of proposals designed to address those problems. Ooh, I’m getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it...


“I especially like when he pauses after what he thinks is a brilliant rhetorical flourish, and there’s an awkward silence followed by polite golf applause when people realise they were meant to clap.”


Sawdust, who is Deputy Head of Acquisitions at Oswestry’s Museum of Gravel, says that boring people like himself are often underestimated.


”For example, I suspect I got this job mostly because the people who interviewed me felt bad about falling asleep while I was talking.”



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