Hornby Trains to be nationalised

The Labour Government has laid out plans to take Hornby Trains into public ownership as part of its overall renationalisation strategy.

A Downing Street spokesman said space had been made in the Number 10 attic where they could begin running freight and passenger services over different lines. 'The timetable will be flexible to suit our work breaks and there will be minimal maintenance required. Plus the big advantage here over mainline rail companies is we won’t have ASLEF on our backs every five minutes.'

Asked how and when the Hornby acquisition might be made they told us it was already on Labour’s Christmas list to Lord Alli.

Budget changes are disastrous / brilliant

A special interest group has called tax and benefit changes in the budget disastrous / brilliant.

A spokesman said, 'These changes will condemn / rescue a generation to / from poverty. They will be remembered as the high / low point of this Labour government.'

Although the changes are complicated, the majority of people in the special interest group will be worse / better off.

Political commentators believe that the changes will torpedo / turbocharge Labour's chances of winning a second term.

The opposition say that the changes are brilliant / disastrous and long overdue / embarrassing and pitiful. They say that they are unlikely to extend / reverse them when they return to power.

Journalists are rushing to find pathetic and sad / photogenic and happy victims / beneficiaries of the changes.

New fiscal rules - debt isn't debt, if you're a Labour government

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