Larry the Cat replaced by Albert the Whippet

The No.10 cat is refusing to relocate to the new Government offices in the North, complaining that the seagulls are the size of small horses and had union representation. By contrast, Albert’s natural ability to vibrate with excitement at 300mph will be the only excitement generated by Andy Burnham.

A spokeswoman confirmed, ‘Whippets don’t climb curtains, chandeliers, or visiting dignitaries; while Larry considered all three fair game. Whippets are low maintenance and won’t demand to be worshipped; cats insist on being the actual head of state. And Albert will happily accompany Andy on his morning runs; whereas Larry would file a formal complaint.

‘Plus whippet zoomies can be used to match the speed with which we change Prime Ministers.’

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Front bench job for Larry?

I won't mouse for anyone but Keir, vows Larry

Downing Street mouser Larry the Cat has put his paw down over who occupies Number 10, saying that if Keir goes, he goes too.

"There've been almost as many Prime Ministers through this door recently as I've got lives," muttered Larry, sitting on the front step, discontentedly licking his rear end.

"Boris was the worst to mouse for. He and Charles Moore would just hurl them through the gates at the plebs passing by on Whitehall.

"'Go on, you vermin!' they'd bray. "Have some vermin for your dinner!'

"Liz Truss would swallow my mice whole, dozens at a time, like oysters. No class, that woman... and certifiably insane.

"Rishi would douse his with cumin, turmeric, chilli powder and fenugreek. Yikes! I ate some of the scraps and I was in the cat litter for one week solid.

"But Keir's my sort. For two years he's eaten my mice plain as God intended, every night, with boiled rice and vanilla ice cream for afters.

"God knows what the next PM's going to be like," mewed Larry with a shudder.

At press time, socialist firebrand and possible leadership contender Angela Rayner was parading outside Number Ten with a placard reading: "No mogs! No Starmers!"

Image from Gemini Google

Hat tip to Lucifer