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Cthulhu sues Trump for copyright infringement



Cthulhu, the ageless entity of unspeakable evil, is suing Donald Trump in an American court for 'theft of intellectual property' and 'intentional infliction of emotional distress.' 'Destroying the global economy, laughing at Gaza’s ethnic cleansing, oppressing penguins - those were all my ideas,' Cthulhu said at an angry press conference. 'I may as well just stay at home and play video games.'


The Trump administration is not backing down. 'Cthulhu's had since before the beginning of time to destroy life on Earth, and he hasn't done jack shit,' said F@$cismRox, the administration's designated social media Troll-of-the-Week. 'Trump has unleashed bottomless dread like you've never seen before.'


Cthulhu's bitterness is understandable, says Alfred Newman, Professor of Supernatural Marketing at the University of Arkham. 'Cthulhu's been building his brand over an unfathomable span of eons,' Newman said. 'When some newbie comes along – a mere human, no less – and swipes all his good lines, it's no surprise that he feels a bit put out.'


According to a source close to Cthulhu, he believes that someone associated with Trump stole his plans for inflicting chaotic global misery. 'Steve Bannon interned with us some years ago,' the source explained. 'We think he hacked Cthulhu's account and copied all the good stuff.' Calls to Bannon's representative seeking a response went unreturned.


Picture credit: Wix AI

What is a dictatorship?


Wikipedia says (and this is a direct quote)...


'Dictatorships are often characterised by some of the following: 

  • suspension of elections and civil liberties; 

  • proclamation of a state of emergency;

  • rule by decree;

  • repression of political opponents;

  • not abiding by the procedures of the rule of law; and

  • the existence of a cult of personality centered on the leader.'


Does this remind you of anyone/anywhere?


We suggest adding a seventh test - declaring that all accusations that you are a dictator are 'fake news'


Picture credit: Wix AI

Stevie Wonder’s part-time lover wins equal rights




A part-time lover of Stevie Wonder was celebrating today after a court ruled she was entitled to equal treatment with the singer’s first wife.



Mandy Myers, a regular lover of Wonder during the height of his fame in the 1980s, argued that she had been denied a range of benefits enjoyed by his wife, including a shared house and basic levels of interaction and respect.



‘The facts of this case are well-known, through the surprisingly open statement made by Wonder about his extra-marital arrangements on his groundbreaking Square Circle album in 1985,’ noted the judge in the case.



‘Miss Myers always had to play second fiddle. After a seemingly pleasant evening of lovemaking, Wonder would regularly sit bolt upright and screech at her to leave his house, saying only, ‘Call up, ring once, and hang up the phone, to let me know you made it home,’ noted the judge. ‘Amazing vocal range, but he needs to work on his bedside manner.’



In court, the jury heard 10 instances of the singer referring to Miss Myers as his ‘part-time lover’ as the 7 inch version of the song was played to the court, but they were mercifully spared the 36 mentions on the extended 12-inch version.


Under the terms of the settlement, Wonder will be obliged to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ each year to Myers. He must also tell her regularly that She is The Sunshine of His Life, and will be required to call her up spontaneously, To Say That He Loves Her, and that he Means it From the Bottom of his Heart.



‘I’m delighted to be able to bring justice here,’ reported the Judge to assembled media. ‘All that remains is for me to add my name to the verdict, put it in an envelope, take it across to the courthouse office, and make myself available for any other similar cases. Signed, Sealed, Delivered. I’m Yours.’



First published 16 Feb 2023



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