Lee Anderson has astonished colleagues by announcing that he is planning to stand at the next general election.
"What the hell is he thinking?", said an amazed Sir Graham Brady, "I've already cleared my desk and started looking through the job ads; the electorate in my constituency have ordered a vat of tar and a sack full of feathers, I'm going to be as far from the election as legally possible."
Of the 354 Tory MPs, 353 have already said they plan to leave parliament at the next election.
"Sir" Jacob Rees-Mogg has been looking at new positions. "One has been sounding out various opportunities; I've approached a bell foundry after being advised that I might have an aptitude in that area; I've noticed several colleagues in the house mouthing the phrase "bell-end" when I give a speech."
image from pixabay
Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party, Lee Anderson, has expressed regret at exceeding the national spending limit of 30p in built-up areas.
The government department for Getting Senior Ministers Off, now the largest sector of the Civil Service, said, 'Mr Anderson should have known better, as it was he who imposed the 30p spending limit himself. He approached us about attending a specially organised one-to-one spending awareness course, but we were already overstretched getting the former Attorney General Suella Braverman off all the laws she has been breaking.'
Rishi Sunak has denied that he knew about Lee Anderson's transgression which took place last summer. He also denied keeping that nugget in his top pocket until such time as 30p Lee might undermine his position in an attempt to become Prime Minister himself, to then use it as a shot across his bows, or even as the reason to sack him from his senior position in that special way which can only be referred to as a resignation.
In an unrelated fiasco, Suella Braverman has claimed that she already knew everything there is to know about speed after a night out with Michael Gove.
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash