Conservative MPs have made an observation that the Lib Dems have installed a vaulting horse in the House of Commons and have been seen walking around Westminster Palace shaking what looks like soil from their trousers. Meanwhile, it is noted that Sir Ed Davey was observed being summoned to the House of Commons library a few months ago regarding the long overdue return of several books related to the Trojan war, and the only remaining Betamax copy of The Great Escape in existence. The Lib Dem election committee is understood to be fixated on three potential candidates: Tom, Dick and Harry.
'Liz Truss was a Lib Dem, wasn't she?' asked one Conservative MP, realisation dawning on his face.
- ModelMaker
- May 30, 2022
Jack Monroe, the heroic food poverty campaigner has beaten celebrity chefs in winning the contract to replace the popular series Can't Cook, Won't Cook after the other hopefuls pulled out once they were told the meal budget would be limited to 30p.
The new show, entitled “Illegitimi non carborundum”, will show viewers with limited budgets how to dine as well as the inmates of Wandsworth prison are able to. Jack will in fact, be accompanied by ex-Wandsworth prison inmate, 'Double Barrel' Bruno who will not only act as a judge of the quality of the meals, but demonstrate useful tips on how the budget can be extended by beating the shit out of Eton students until they hand over their dinner money.
Politicians have been invited to appear on the programme, but so far only Labour, the Lib Dems and SNP have responded to the invitations. Ian Blackford is seen to be particularly keen to complement 'Double Barrel' Bruno’s advice with oratory to accompany why the extortion of pocket money from Eton students, is a kindness they won’t regret.