Voters are being warned that spoiling your ballot paper by drawing a cock and balls on it may not prevent it being counted as a vote. The Electoral Commission said that such actions will be interpreted as portraying a preference for the biggest knob amongst the candidates.
However, this will be done on a constituency by constituency basis, so that drawing a prick will not necessarily be considered as a vote for Rishi Sunak, Sir Keir Starmer, or even that LibDem bloke, even though they are all regularly compared to male members.
One thing is clear however. Since Nigel Farage declared that he would stand, it has been decided that any drawings of female genitalia will be counted as votes for Reform UK.
Image: MostafaElTurkey36 - Pixabay
- deskpilot
- Jun 11, 2024
The Lib Dems have promised that, if elected, there will be more premiership football games featuring Ed Davey on free to air television. They see this as an excellent policy – popular and also cheap. This has inspired them to make further plans to ‘sort out the telly’.
Ideas under consideration include:
- fewer adverts during films, and no sneaky backloading of adverts towards the end of the film. How annoying is that?
- bringing back David Tennant as Doctor Who, and toning down all the gay stuff.
- a strict quota on ABCDEFG programmes. The acronym refers to programmes about Antiques, Bargains, Clothes, Disasters and DIY (including DIY disasters), Emergency Services, Food and Gardening.
- reducing the 1% Club to twenty minutes, as there are so few quiz questions and far too much banter.
- all streaming services to be free on Sundays
- a new version of It’s A Knockout, with teams of politicians. This is mainly on the list because Ed Davey is very keen to participate, and because he imagines that a Lib Dem team might actually win.
Image: Newsbiscuit