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Compulsive Tory fibbers demand inquiry to learn what "the truth" is


"The government needs to set an inquiry immediately so that we Conservatives can discover what 'the truth' is," said a party spokes-Pinocchio.


"Sure, we'd like the truth about what was leaked before the Budget. That would be a good start.


"But more broadly, we'd be really grateful if a panel of vaguely honest people could explain to us what in the world these words 'the truth' are meant to mean.


"Years of serving in a party led by Boris Johnson, helping to explain away his daily torrent of fibs, has meant we've forgotten what it's like to hear an honest word when it's spoken."


"We wish we could help," said a spokes-forked tongued viper for Labour. "But we had even the vaguest understanding of the concepts of 'honesty', 'truthfulness' or 'integrity' crushed out of us by a decade and a half of being led by Tony Blair."



US Economic Data for July: Version 2.0


Monthly real gross domestic product (GDP) in the US is estimated to have grown by 442% in July 2025, following growth of 0.1% in June 2025


Real GDP is estimated to have grown by 242% in the three months to July 2025. Imaginary GDP has grown by 342% since Liberation Day, largely driven by growth in the black economy. Imaginary GDP is a new measure that is calculated by including all the good numbers and leaving out the bad ones.


Monthly services output grew by 25% in July 2025, as church attendance reflected the extra Sunday in the month.


Production output grew by 242%% in July 2025, fuelled by businesses and consumers buying early to avoid tariff costs, and because of redundancy threats across the official statistics sector. These gains offset a dramatic slowdown in purchases of avocados, Tesla cars and MAGA hats.


Construction output grew by 242% in July 2025, following fires, storms and flooding in California, Texas and Florida. Every cloud has a silver lining.


Trustworthy statistics are down 242% since June, reflecting a dramatic shift towards untrustworthy statistics and made up numbers.


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