With flavours like bubblegum, candyfloss and Baby Formula, the vape industry is being accused of aiming its products at impressionable underage adults. The bright blue furry spokesperson said, between panicked, clouded inhalations, that it was just a witch hunt, funded by the Big Ashtray Lobby.
They waved away the new promotional targeted advertisements with subjects such as “What is Barbies favourite vape flavour” and “Why Batman prefers the mysterious vapour cloud of a Vape Pen to Nicorette patches.”
Leaked documents from another leading vape producer have provided damning evidence such as:
• A proposal to MacDonalds for McNugget flavoured vapes available in Happy Meals
• Schematic drawings of an oversized vape pen PEZ dispenser
• An e-mail to Duplo about producing a “My First Vape” set
The government Health Minister said that children must not be subject to the peer pressure of trying vapes and if they want to look cool, nothing beats the smooth draw of a Marlboro Red.
Photo by Nery Zarate on Unsplash
Tributes have been pouring in following the death of Derek Lobbyist, who rose to the very top of the drapers' industry during the premiership of Tony Blair.
A spokesman for the Office of Mr Blair wrote: "He was a tough and sometimes ruthless draper, but no one in the trade compared to Derek. He was a legend. Cloth, curtains - he could drape the lot."
Mr Lobbyist rubbed shoulders with major players in the Labour hierarchy of the 1990s, discussing attractive interior decor options with key members of the National Executive Committee.
He fell from grace in the "Draper-Gate" scandal, when he was caught by undercover journalists boasting that he could provide fabrics and furnishings to almost any minister in the Blair cabinet.
But even after that, he remained a force in UK drapery.
"I reckon Derek could have won the contract to do all those plush curtains and whatnot that Carrie wanted in Number Ten," said an anonymous reporter for the trade magazine, The Draper.
"But Derek would never have draped for the Tories."
After an entire career devoted to draping, Mr Lobbyist leaves behind him 400 sets of velvetine swish curtains, 700 imitation silk nylon coverlets and 2,000 bolts of merino-style rayon cloth.
Image: anaterate - Pixabay